The first step that a man can take to free himself from the prison of pornography is to confess. Confession moves beyond denial, minimization, normalization, justification and rationalization to a right understanding of one's own brokenness. It refuses to celebrate and revel in the sin, and is the first step toward reestablishing communion with God and others. Because pornography has such an isolating effect on men who are intent on hiding their problem, it is important that this confession be more than between him and God.
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By confessing to another person, the isolating effect that porn has on a man will be reduced. When sin is shared with another person, a man is forced to expose his brokenness. How a man exposes this brokenness, however, is critical in the healing process. Only with a repentant heart that is completely broken can a man begin the process of true recovery.
Many men confess if they are caught, but they may not be repentant. They may feel guilty, but they may not be truly repentant. The measure by which a man can recover from a pornography problem is equal to his willingness to do the things that evidence repentance. If he tries to minimize, normalize, justify, or rationalize, true healing will be slow and unlikely. He must be completely broken, as King David was when confronted by the prophet Nathan (2 Samuel 12), in order to be restored. The consequences may not disappear, but he must be prepared to live with them and do what is necessary to make amends ... If he does not acknowledge his need for God, it is difficult for him to make any lasting progress in his recovery.
Confession is difficult for many men because it is an admission of failure. This is at odds with their understanding of their masculinity ... As a result, it is important to confess to someone who is able to be a part of the healing process. Many men, when confronted with their pornography problem, will confess it to their spouse or girlfriend. They do so because they are often the person with whom they have their deepest intimate connection. They reach out to the one whom they love the most for help. The consequences, however, can be disastrous.
