"I keep praying that God will change my husband," the young woman told me in a recent counseling session. She was obviously in distress."What's happening in your marriage?" I asked.
"My husband treats me with disrespect," she said. "He's sarcastic with me, ignores me when I'm talking, and spends more time playing video games than listening to me."
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"You sound very frustrated," I said. "I can imagine you must become very frustrated when this happens. How do you handle this?" I asked.
"I mostly pray about it," she said. "I talk to my friends and they tell me I need to just keep praying. They quote the Scripture where Peter instructs wives to be submissive to their husbands so that their husbands will be won over without a word." (I Peter 3: 1-4)
"That is a great Scripture," I said. "Peter goes on to say that your 'unfading beauty' comes from a gentle and quiet spirit. I don't think, however, that it means that women aren't also to speak truth at times. I don't think it means that you can't use wisdom to set boundaries when destructive things are happening in your marriage."
I went on to share another story I heard recently from a friend. Apparently there was a sign in an antique store where a fisherman was in a row boat being tossed around by the waves. The message for the fisherman was to have great faith and pray, but also row for his life.
Dr. David Hawkins is the director of the Marriage Recover Center where he counsels couples in distress. He is the author of over 30 books, including Dealing With the CrazyMakers in Your Life, 90 Days to a Fantastic Marriage, and Saying It So He'll Listen. Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.
