"I took a long time to realize I'd developed some distorted perceptions about biblical submission," admits Brenda Waggoner, author of The Myth of the Submissive Christian Woman (Tyndale). Because the issue of submission is so emotionally charged and hotly debated, I interviewed Brenda, a licensed Christian counselor and prolific author, to address what the Bible says about submission in marriage. Brenda shares not only her personal experiences but also her hard-won insights.
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What do Christian wives think when they hear the word submission?
Many cringe when they hear it. Submission triggers negative
thoughts--abuse, subservient treatment, or an overemphasis on the wife's
duty to submit that downplays the husband's duty to love.
Are these negatives what you mean by "myth"?
I'm referring to distorted perceptions prevalent in the evangelical subculture, such as: I
must always put others first, even if doing so means compromising
myself and my needs, or I must follow precise role descriptions for
relationships, even if doing so means ignoring my instincts about safety
and emotional well-being.
Why do these myths mislead so many women?
They contain elements of truth, but take Bible verses out of context or
use them as stand-alone proofs, which ignore the whole of Scripture. The
Bible's teaching on submission doesn't change--but a woman's perception
of that teaching can become distorted.
How can wives best separate myth from biblical truth?
Your experiences, role models, pastor and other authority figures, and
emotional makeup can color your perception of submission. So prayerfully
inquire about what's going on in your heart, since this is God's
primary concern. Is self-condemnation, self-rejection, self-destructive
thinking or behavior present? God disciplines his children, but he
doesn't devalue or demean us.
What false perceptions of submission did you have?
I became a Christian five years into my first marriage. As I studied the
Bible and listened to sermons--especially passages about husband/wife
relationships--I drastically changed my behavior. Previously, when my
husband and I disagreed, we'd raise our voices; now I tried turning away
my husband's wrath with a gentle answer. I defined submission as doing
what my husband said. I thought by pleasing him, I was pleasing God.
I didn't want to admit I was angry with my husband, so I pushed my feelings down and became depressed. Then, my husband became verbally and emotionally abusive. Finally, he left home and filed for divorce. I felt isolated from God; I couldn't understand how I'd failed so miserably as a wife and a Christian, when I'd tried so hard to obey the Bible.
Source: Christianity Today / Kyria.com
